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Artsramble Archive My Present State
by Ashlynn Browning
I think I’m suffering from art world fatigue, and I don’t like it. I’m tired of making work and feeling essentially ignored. I’m tired of rarely selling anything. And most of all, I’m tired of complaining about it with my artist friends. It’s easy to get self-absorbed and whiney on this topic. Artists are good at that and it’s a pitfall I’d like to avoid. Being an artist is a privilege, and I recognize it. I have no interest in perpetuating a victim mentality. I am represented by a reputable gallery. I have shows lined up for the next few months, and I never have to visit a cubicle. Things are good on the outside. But somehow, I still don’t feel like I’m connecting. Art wise, Raleigh is on the right track. The wheels are turning. They’re just turning in such small increments as to sometimes feel near stagnant. My friends and I complain of the conservatism of the city and the lack of exciting spaces to exhibit. Those things are true but they seem like vague and overly abstract scapegoats. A more concrete and downright puzzling criticism is the lack of consistent visual arts coverage in the News and Observer and The Independent Weekly. There are hundreds of emerging and established artists in the Triangle, but somehow we seem to function as the black sheep of the arts family. If the local media promoted visual art as much as they did theatre and music, I think we’d all be more satisfied. It doesn’t take much, you see. What people may not realize is the extent to which artists, behind our sometimes aloof exteriors, appreciate even the most half-hearted attempt at recognition or praise, the probing question that goes beyond, “How long did that take?,” the thoughtful review, and of course the occasional sale that bolsters us on and takes a bite out of those pesky material bills. At the core of it, we make our work for ourselves, out of a compulsion to do so, but we never intend for the work’s voice and resonance to stop there. Like a kid in the cafeteria, we all want someone to sit with, someone who gets us, and who places value on what we have to offer. We want to be seen and heard. My discontent is not only with the seemingly blind eye of the local art scene. It’s a chaotic time in general and finding one’s place as an artist isn’t easy. There are no parameters in the art world now. Anything goes. That can be an open and freeing thing but it can also be damn frustrating. “Over here! Over here” we as artists shout, only to be lost among the dizzying array of good, bad, and ugly art out there. The disillusionment can get to you. I used to feel like art was a place removed from politics and phoniness, a place where cool people and trends didn’t dictate, and that getting a show in New York meant happiness and success would soon follow suit, marching in hand in hand. At the not so jaded age of twenty-eight, all these myths and many more have been turned upside down for me, and I return to the thought, “What am I doing and why am I doing it?” There’s a range of reasons I guess and so far they’ve been more than enough to keep me going. I love to make work, and I can’t think of anything else more fulfilling. The high of making something new, something that goes beyond what you’ve done before is truly exhilarating and makes all that isolation and toil in the studio worthwhile. When it’s good, it’s really, really good and when it’s bad…well, you carry on. There’s the fact that my identity is tied up in being an artist and that’s not something I want to let go. Finally, there’s my belief that strong work will be noticed, ultimately even rewarded, and so I keep working. There’s really no choice. To be bored is to be boring, and that’s something I can’t tolerate. Ashlynn Browning
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One Response to “My Present State”
1. nancybaker Says:
May 21st, 2006 at 7:35 am e
Hi Ashlynn,
Being an artist can really be tough. Sometimes it’s very demoralizing, and at times
I’ve just wanted to stay in bed, move away to a bigger city, or plant roses in my
garden. For me, I kept on trying to hold on to the idea that the biggest obstacle
was finding the right place for my work, and that eventually I would persevere. In
this city its very difficult. There just isn’t a critical mass of people interested
in anything but the most conservative kind of crap. As a matter of fact, it’s
gotten a lot worse since I’ve lived here. When I first moved to Raleigh,
(from Brooklyn) there was just a lot more going on. I had lots of curators in
my studio,(DUMA, NCMA) but that’s kind of died down because the programs of these
institutions have changed. They are no longer really interested in regional
artists, or if they are, it’s some idiot show of ceramics or other media. This is
happening because these institutions are courting the collectors. Hang in there
Ashlynn, we all feel pretty crappy about this stuff at one time or another.
I hope this helps, I also hope that there aren’t too many problems with this
comment, because the interface of submissions for Artsramble is a little buggy.
Nancy